Hot Take: Bulk Depts Are Gross

Welcome to Co-op Hot Takes. These opinions are not for the feint of heart. Grab a tall glass of oat milk in case things get too spicy.

Look, I get it. You rinse out your yogurt container so you can reuse it by taking it to your local co-op and filling it up with bulk nutritional yeast. You feel real good about yourself and feel like you’re single-handedly reversing the effects of climate change. And I love that for you. However comma: I am confident buying in bulk is not saving the planet.

Let’s start with how bulk foods come in packaging that is often not recyclable or reusable: thick-ass plastic or mylar bags, big tubs of oil that you can’t rinse enough for the recycling company to actually recycle it. Then you have the fact that while you and 4 of your friends, (who probably get together once a month for a potluck and to reminisce about how great it used to be when you were volunteers at the “old co-op”), may bring in reused containers, most everyone else doesn’t. So there goes a single-use plastic bag with every 8 ounces of raw cashews sold. Which, by the way, usually ends up getting thrown out because the customer gets to the register and sees that the bag of cashews cost about $14 for like 17 nuts and promptly asks the cashier to put them back. Well, Janet, we cannot put those nuts back in the bin. They’re going straight to the trash, along with our profits and my patience.

On top of the absolute green-washing of buying in bulk, there’s also the point that most folks who didn’t grow up shopping at co-ops or small local markets, may have never seen a bulk department. So depending on where your co-op is, most shoppers don’t even buy stuff in bulk so it just sits around for months getting stale then getting thrown out. So much bulk is wasted this way. I’ve seen folks wander into the bulk department, take one look at those bins and quickly turn and walk away. I don’t blame them, it’s weird and it seems nasty.

But let me tell you a couple of stories about the main reasons I know bulk is gross: People and Pets doing nasty things.

You can’t tell me you have never been scooping your organic granola into your carefully washed out bread bag, feeling all types of good about your decision, only to look over and see some child who was just digging, two knuckles-deep, in their nose, sticking that same hand up in a bin of yogurt-covered pretzels… all while their parent pays them no mind just over there struggling to determine which roast of fair-trade coffee they’re gonna buy. Those are the same yogurt-covered pretzels you had your mouth set for, knowing you were going to treat yourself to them today.

Not anymore. They’re now snot-covered trash.

Well, that is if anyone on staff noticed what happened and pulled them off the sales floor to throw them out. But I wonder how many times staff don’t notice a kid with booger fingers or that person who I just saw scratching their ass over by the dairy case, who decided to help themselves to a bulk sample. Then you start thinking about it and wonder if the granola you just scooped may have had some nasty hand in it.

Maybe the disclaimer on the bulk bin label that says “may contain nuts” should also say “may contain boogers and butt sweat.”

That story is somewhat generalized and slightly dramatized for effect, but here’s a specific one that really solidified my opinion about bulk departments.

One of the co-ops I used to work at had a fantastic bulk department. Still does. But I can remember the exact moment that I decided bulk departments are gross. This lady, who could not have been less than 119 years old, came into the co-op with her service dog, who may have been all of 4 years younger than she was, and started asking me and a co-worker some questions in the bulk section. Well I look over and this dog, legs shaking, barely able to walk, sat there slowly licking the sides and scoops of several bulk bins.

I was like “ma’am, could you not let your dog lick the bulk bins?”

She gave the leash a little tug, left the department and walked over to the produce section. That’s where the dog promptly got diarrhea as it was practically being dragged along by its leash. So here I am, asking my coworker to go pull those bulk bins that the dog licked while I clean up a 20 foot long puddle of dog shit. But there’s no doubt in my mind that the dog had previously been licking its own butt prior to licking the bulk bins, including the ones we didn’t notice it was licking.

Ok, last one, and then I’ll leave you with your thoughts about how many dirty hands or dog tongues have touched the bulk items you recently purchased.

My buddy once told me a story of some customer who came into her store after clearly partaking in some libations. This customer tried to find the restroom, but mistook a bin of bulk animal crackers for a urinal. Now we all know folks miss the toilet at least a little bit on the regular, so imagine how many of the surrounding bins were affected as this customer, who seemed to have lost most sense of balance, attempted to aim for a 6 inch bulk bin opening. I’m gonna guess the staff there probably didn’t notice a couple of those affected bins when they were arguing over who had to throw out those soggy animal crackers.

So yeah, I think I’m good to not buy bulk again.